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May. 1st, 2009

Feeling much less morose today.

Did laundry last night - clean clothes always make me feel good.

Am thinking that yesterday's sudden spiral into the depths of doom was probably more hormonal than anything else. Have had the ring back for the last 24 hours and am already feeling less insane.

Tonight is his birthday deal. We're combining with the Goth meet-up to see Wolverine, and then going to Hong Kong Harbour for late night chinese and chocolate raspberry cake afterward. I think I should be okay with this as long as he doesn't act all lovey-dovey. I haven't told Anna or any of that group about the change.

Speaking of, I need a term for "it." Technically it isn't breaking up, because he wasn't my "boyfriend", and "decided not to see each other romantically" So what do I call it?

My mourning song...

I remember today why this is my mourning song.

I want to try to write out my feelings, but I can't seem to find the words. For now, I'll let the lyrics suffice..

No Need To Argue, The Cranberries

There's no need to argue anymore.
I gave all I could, but it left me so sore.
And the thing that makes me mad,
Is the one thing that I had,

I knew, I knew,
I'd lose you.
You'll always be special to me,
Special to me, to me.

And I remember all the things we once shared,
Watching T.V. movies on the living room armchair.
But they say it will work out fine.
Was it all a waste of time.

'Cause I knew, I knew,
I'd lose you.
You'll always be special to me,
Special to me, to me.

Will I forget in time, ah,
You said I was on your mind?
There's no need to argue,
No need to argue anymore.
There's no need to argue anymore.

Ouuu, ouuu, ouuuu...
Special.

My list so far...

  • I am good teacher and trainer.  I explain things clearly, and can often find alternate ways of explanation when the original does not work.
  • I take risks.  I perform in public, and I am willing to take on new roles and responsibilities at work.
  • I am a good dancer.  When something is hard for me, I stick with it until I have an understanding, and then practice to master it.
  • I am an explorer.  I love to find experiences, be it entertainment, cuisine, places, etc.
  • I am a good friend.  I am loyal and supportive.  I will go out of my way to help the people in my life.
  • I am resourceful.  When faced with an obstacle, I always try to find a way around it, through it, or over it.  I am solution oriented.
  • I learn new things quickly, and am able to apply them without much guidance.  Especially processes, software, company structures, laws.
  • I am good at practical application.  Homemade drano, car maintenance, rewiring phones, home networking.
  • I get out of bed and go to work every day, even when I am depressed, anxious or just don't feel like it.
  • I make ends meet (mostly) on a small amount of money
  • I am inquisitive.  If I do not know or understand something, I do my best to find out.
  • I am good at taking care of people.
  • I am funny in a snarky sort of way.
  • I am good at self-advocacy, especially in the realm of health care. (2/8/10)

Today I am not happy...

Which is odd, because yesterday I was kind of on top of the world.

Maybe I'm crashing from all the emotional expenditure?  Or perhaps I'm just not dealing with frustration very well.

I do have things to be happy about...

Alisha is starting as my new receptionist soon - not this coming week, but next, unless we can work out some afternoons for her to train.  This, I think, will be a really good thing.  I was extremely disappointed with the last situation, especially after the cleaning/re-organizing of the area.  Also, having someone I trust and know that I can depend on not to make to look like an idiot in front of my boss will be a relief.

We are performing at Shimmyathon this weekend, and I have a good grasp of the choreography.  I also like our costuming for the most part (even if my troupe people can be drama queens).

I have fun people plans both Friday and Saturday nights.

Things on my relationship front seem to be going well, and this pleases me.

The temperature is also cooling down, and it's officially fall.  I LOVE fall.

However, I continue to bang my head against the wall about money... Mainly this is because I don't budget well, and I'm always running out to eat at a restaurant instead of wanting to eat at home.  I've also been eating a lot of junk food lately, which I think is fueling my other problem...

I'm feeling really fat today.  It seems like I'm gaining weight again in my middle, and I'm not sure if that's driven by the cookie dough and noodles, or the bloating from "that time of the month" that doesn't happen.

*le sigh*
LJ just ate my rather longish journal post, and I should actually be doing work at some point today.  I did promise Britt to update more, so here we go...

Friday's outing had its ups and downs... Food - yummy, with the highlights being the corned beef rolls and my harvest bread pudding.  Company - quite good.  I really enjoying spending time with A's circle of friends, even in the meet-up environment.  The vibe is generally laid back, and I rarely feel the provocation to put on an act.  Venue - left something to be desired.  It was not particularly large group friendly, and was EXTREMELY loud.  Definitely a middle of the week at 6pm sort, rather than 8pm on a Friday.
The evening's end was very cozy.  Tentative plans were in place to head out again, but I ultimately stayed in after 11pm.

Saturday was pretty much exclusively devoted to performance preparation.  In general, I tend to be scattered and a bit disorganized so I was proud of myself, having corralled all my bits into one bag and not forgetting anything important.  I was actually *gasp* the first one ready.  We were extra cute, especially with my new flower concoction on my head.  I really need to get better about having pictures taken...  The actual dancing went well, and the crowd was super supportive and involved, which always makes it more enjoyable.  AF is a pretty big deal for us, because we have a chance to perform a six different numbers, with costume changes and everything.  Afterwards I ate some communal food, including the best madeline I've had in a while... and I drank about a bottle of mead.  Yay mead!

Last week when I was at Ulta, they mentioned a bare minerals event happening on Sunday.  Since both K and I have uber-sensitive skin, we wear alot of mineral makeup for performance.  They've released some new kits lately, and we were hoping to have the makeup artist try some new looks, especially for eyes.  I scheduled the appointment on Saturday, and they appeared to know exactly what I was talking about.  Too bad when we arrived at the store they had NO IDEA!  We got a free lip gloss and foundation sample out of it, but otherwise it was pretty much a waste of time.  I tried out of the Smoky V eye... the brush was pretty much a joke, and I wouldn't use colors that purple for smoking anyway - it washed me out and made a mess on my face. 
I did, however, pick up an iPod docking station for $9.99 to use at my desk or at home!  I was recently gifted a squee exciting loveliness of a 30GB video iPod, and I plan to make use of it on a regular basis =)  I had mexican bread pudding for "lunch" - uber yum.

Dinner at DocChey's was lots of fun.  I met a really cool new person who swears she already knew me :P and afterwards watched some neat anime called HellGirl.  Definitely going to have to obtain for my own personal usage =)

All in all, a very acceptable weekend.  I continue to be amazed at the oddness of my emotions, which are like a crazy roller coaster at the oddest of times. 

Today's Horosope...

Monday, Sep 22nd, 2008 -- It's difficult to hold divergent positions today, yet your head tells you one thing while your heart says something else. You care deeply for those you love, yet you cannot deny your needs, even if they are in conflict with others. If you do hide what's important to you, it might help you avoid an unpleasant scene now, but it won't make anyone happy in the long run. Being honest isn't always easy, yet it's still the best policy.

Sep. 17th, 2008

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, if you're more of a lurker, or if we already know everything about each other.

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A. Yes.  It's undefined and sometimes tumultuous, but definitely serious

2) What was your dream growing up?
A. I had many.  The first was to be a ballet dancer.  And then a mommy.  Up through the beginning of high school, I thought I'd be a lawyer for HOPE Worldwide

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A. I'd love to be able to draw, to capture the pictures in my head and share them with others.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A. Right now, I'd love a metromint water.  Most other times, you could win me with a Breve Almond Latte or a Hot Cinnamon Sunset Tea.

5) Favorite vegetable?
A. Asparagus

6) What was the last book you read?
A. The Dream-Hunter, by Sherrilyn Kenyon, but I'm currently working on Pandora by Anne Rice (again)

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A. Aries, Leo Rising, Sagittarius Moon. (yes, all fire.  yes, I might burn you.)

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A. 1 tattoo on my ankle, two piercings in my ears.  Hope to revisit navel piercing and possibly nose, soon.

9) Worst Habit?
A. Procrastination

10) If you saw me walking down the street, would you offer me a ride?
A. It would depend if I knew you or not.  Raper Man Joe and all that.

11) What is your favorite sport?
A. I don't play

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A. It varies circumstantially

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A. Make small talk.  I'm a chatterbox.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A. Is not getting on livejournal

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A. I like fried chicken with strawberry jam

16) Do you have any pets?
A. Tempest, half Maine Coon, half Russian Blue.  ALL Attitude.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A. You'd likely not make it in the front door.

18) What was your first impression of me?
A. Heh.  I stole this survey from a random journal, so all aforementioned you's are general.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A. Scary, unless they're not

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A. Remove the pouch

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A. I would be both!

22) What color eyes do you have?
A. Brown

23) Ever been arrested?
A. Yes

24) Bottle or can soda?
A. Bottles over ice, can if I'm drinking it straight.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A. Pay off a lingering bill, Buy my bedroom suite from Ikea, Put $1K in a savings account for my mom and my sister, and then take a trip out of the country

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A. Rob's

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A. Yes

29) Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
A. Dancing, reading, sex... not necessarily in that order

30) Do you swear a lot?
A. More than is prudent

31) Biggest pet peeve?
A. Girls who wear coin belts at DragonCon who don't bellydance.  (Not the biggest, but the most recent)

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A. Capricious

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A. Yes. 

35) Do you believe in God?
A. I'm actually not sure what I believe

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
I sort of broke the rules because I was bored, but it would be nice if people filled it out for me.
My entire body hurts so badly I can't sleep.